Two parents emailed me this week using the phrase, "It may not seem like much, but ...."
Why? Why would a parent say, "It may not seem like much.." when it's a change that they are thrilled to see?
Maybe because most other children that age do the noted behavior fairly easily. It's not hard for most children. Most parents haven't specifically taught, made charts, read books, or searched online about "ordinary" skills other children acquire so easily.
Your child didn't pick it up typically. For your child there was a gap between expectations and performance. The behavior was one you just expected your child to have, but he/she didn't. Every time the gap showed itself, you felt frustrated, saddened... Maybe even a little like you failed in parenting somehow. It's such a simple easy thing... Why doesn't he/she just do it? It is an area of struggle, failure, shortcoming, or simply missing the fullness of life.
Now - all of a sudden - your child acts "normal" in that area. It's so exciting! You're thrilled! Though, it's just being "normal," I don't discount those gains. They're HUGE. Every time I see a parent a few years out of IM and hear their child is "typical," "normal," or "doing fine," I am SO EXCITED! Every child should have a chance at a "normal" life! Through my own son's experience and five years now with IM, I believe IM helps children reach that goal, or at least get closer to that goal.
Here are the two "It-may-not-seem-like-much" statements I received:
Two days ago: I am seeing some gains that I didn't expect to see. He is starting to ask what words mean. For example if I use a word he is not familiar with he is asking, "What does that mean?" instead of dismissing or ignoring it. Also, last night he had homework - he put it off for quite a while then he got frustrated with me asking him and he snarled at me then took his pencil and his paper and went to his room. When he came back out, he had actually done almost the whole page and asked me to check them. I was amazed. This might not seem like much, but for him it is a big deal.
Today's Email: I think this is VERY significant! The one thing that (my son) has never been able to do is show affection. Has never been one to give us a kiss goodnight…no hugs…unless forced, really. This morning, he came up to me to give me his lunch box from yesterday – he laid it in front of me explaining what was in it and said “Okay, mom,” patting me lovingly on the arm. This may not seem like a big deal….but it brought tears to my eyes. He just never touches in that way. So, a “major” break through.
For Brad, I often said, "It may not see like much to most people, but for Brad it was huge... He took out the trash for the first time in his life without being prompted." Yes, a 17 year old ought to be able to initiate taking out the garbage! We were hugely concerned that this extremely bright child who scored a 34 on his ACT would end up living at home until he was 30 because he couldn't take out the garbage (just a sign of the struggles he was having)! Guess what! He's been independent since 8 months after his first round of IM and at 23 is in grad school now!! That's why, yes it may not seem like much.... BUT IT'S HUGE!
