Brad and I share his story at the National IM conference... what an honor! 

Why am I an IM Provider?

Dear Miriam,

I’m an IM provider because of students that fall through the cracks! You are my typical client.

Our son had learning challenges. As a young child every teacher in our small private school said he was too smart to hold back. Finally in 4^th grade, we pulled him out of private school and put him in public to have him fully evaluated. They said he was too high functioning as well. But he still struggled, so we went to Menninger’s ( when they were here), doctors, tutoring, I’m a special ed teacher so he was put through all the behavior programs I ever read about. I would say he ‘survived’ childhood for the most part, but definitely didn’t thrive ( he has said before that he has to grieve the loss of his childhood) Finally, as a senior in high school, we  found the IM program for him. Immediately his life changed. Since then, he’s gone on to THRIVE – first at K State, then at Rockhurst for his Master’s degree and now out in the work force receiving  great comments about his skills and abilities. He’s leading a happy full involved life – everything we ever dreamed of. But he missed out of 17 years of that fullness of life because his brain was imbalanced and disconnected. I am doing what I’m doing for children (and adults) like YOU – the ones that slip through the cracks, something is not working right. I say, the sooner the better but it’s NEVER too late. My oldest IM student to date is 72 years old J.

Lori

This was the response to a letter I received this morning from an adult who struggles. I very much liked my response, says it in a nut shell why I do what I do. Her letter exemplifies how continued struggles impacts an entire life, how hesitant and unsure you become when your timing/brain connectivity is less than what it should be. "What if you can't help me." I've felt that fear, looked for help everywhere. My hope is that IM offers many people in my world an opportunity for that fullness of life, opens up doors like it did for our son. Here's her letter, typos and all.

Dear Lori,

What if  I do the assment and come out that you can not provide me with any help? For this seems to be the case when I was in school.  I would take test to see if I qitify for the LR room and would always test to high for the LR room but, I still had problems in school.  Miriam (Name changed)

Session 14 and not yet in the teens! Panic!

For completion of basic IM, I set a soft goal of getting every child in the teens on at least one task of over 1000 reps for 3 days in a row. Why? Read this mental processing post and this emotional response post.  But, obviously, not all children reach this goal in 15 sessions. This does not mean your child did not gain from IM, nor that your child is deficient is some way, nor that you or I didn't put enough carrots in front of them. IM trainnig is simply a process and every child walks their own path at their own pace to get there.

Brad's Insight - The GRRR feeling during meltdowns

Personal story.  People that know me know that I started this business because Interactive Metronome helped my own son tremendously. After years of searching for answers, IM was his answer. People also know I love to tell Brad stories, he's a miracle child (young adult now but I'm the mom so he will always be my child) and his story brings others great hope. IM parents who just happen to meet him love seeing the potential ahead for their own child.

Amazingly low IM Scores

The scores you make on IM are huge indicators of your basic mental functioning, but they fall short in telling the whole picture. Yes, if a child comes in averaging over 100 ms, I know this child is working far harder than they need to in this world. Basic timing is a huge issue. But on the other end of the spectrum, some students can have AMAZINGLY low numbers and can still be lacking in some very basic mental processes. More IM can lead to significant mental processes still coming on line. The numbers don't tell the entire picture.

Theory of Mind or Mentalizing

I just watched Uta Frith's Theory of Mind presentation again and am noting the brain areas she's mentioned in which this process  happens.

My child has above average timing, now what?

Would you recommend IM if my son scored in the above average or superior range on his IM pretest?

Though it is true that the child's general timing is above average it's important to note that IM impacts more than timing. Quality of movement, connectivity in different brain regions, distractibility, and stamina are a few of the other significant factors to consider.

Brad's Early IM Gains

For those who don't know me, I am doing IM because my son, Brad, found so much success with the IM program. Recently I pulled out old notes about my son's IM training in 2002. If you are interested in what I saw back then, here's the document.

A New Beginning

I was visiting with my 24-year-old son, Brad, today. We were talking about what were our greatest life joys and losses - an engaging and insightful topic. Great discussion for tonight's dinner table....

When asked about his childhood, Brad again disconnected himself from his childhood saying something like, "I don't think of my childhood as me." Plain and simple. That wasn't me. This is about the fourth time I've heard him say with very honest and true feelings that he does not feel connected with his past. Of course we went on to talk about how your past absolutely is a part of you but doesn't have to define who you are now. Given that, he sincerely does feel like he started a new life, a new beginning - 7 years ago now, with his first IM training!

Missing Recess for Misbehavior

A mom came today concerned because her son's teacher reported that the child was missing almost all of his recesses for incomplete assignments. The teacher had even expressed to the mom, "He probably needs recess the most." Though the child's teacher innately understood the value of recess for this child, wanting desperately to find a way to help the child succeed, she had resorted to the standard practice of taking recess away. I believe this is often actually more harmful than helpful. The TEACHER's gut instinct understood that too! Let me explain.

It may not seem like much, but it's a BIG DEAL!

Two parents emailed me this week using the phrase, "It may not seem like much, but ...."

Why? Why would a parent say, "It may not seem like much.." when it's a change that they are thrilled to see?

Maybe because most other children that age do the noted behavior fairly easily. It's not hard for most children. Most parents haven't specifically taught, made charts, read books, or searched online about "ordinary" skills other children acquire so easily.

Your child didn't pick it up typically. For your child there was a gap between expectations and performance. The behavior was one you just expected your child to have, but he/she didn't. Every time the gap showed itself, you felt frustrated, saddened... Maybe even a little like you failed in parenting somehow. It's such a simple easy thing... Why doesn't he/she just do it? It is an area of struggle, failure, shortcoming, or simply missing the fullness of life.

Now - all of a sudden - your child acts "normal" in that area. It's so exciting! You're thrilled! Though, it's just being "normal," I don't discount those gains. They're HUGE. Every time I see a parent a few years out of IM and hear their child is "typical," "normal," or "doing fine," I am SO EXCITED! Every child should have a chance at a "normal" life! Through my own son's experience and five years now with IM, I believe IM helps children reach that goal, or at least get closer to that goal.

Here are the two "It-may-not-seem-like-much" statements I received:

Two days ago: I am seeing some gains that I didn't expect to see. He is starting to ask what words mean. For example if I use a word he is not familiar with he is asking, "What does that mean?" instead of dismissing or ignoring it. Also, last night he had homework - he put it off for quite a while then he got frustrated with me asking him and he snarled at me then took his pencil and his paper and went to his room. When he came back out, he had actually done almost the whole page and asked me to check them. I was amazed. This might not seem like much, but for him it is a big deal.


Today's Email: I think this is VERY significant! The one thing that (my son) has never been able to do is show affection. Has never been one to give us a kiss goodnight…no hugs…unless forced, really. This morning, he came up to me to give me his lunch box from yesterday – he laid it in front of me explaining what was in it and said “Okay, mom,” patting me lovingly on the arm. This may not seem like a big deal….but it brought tears to my eyes. He just never touches in that way. So, a “major” break through.

For Brad, I often said, "It may not see like much to most people, but for Brad it was huge... He took out the trash for the first time in his life without being prompted." Yes, a 17 year old ought to be able to initiate taking out the garbage! We were hugely concerned that this extremely bright child who scored a 34 on his ACT would end up living at home until he was 30 because he couldn't take out the garbage (just a sign of the struggles he was having)! Guess what! He's been independent since 8 months after his first round of IM and at 23 is in grad school now!! That's why, yes it may not seem like much.... BUT IT'S HUGE!

Sensory Integration Insights

In a recent book I read, the boy who loved windows, author and mother Patricia Stacey has some great insight into sensory integration issues. With a dedication only a mother can give, Patricia was able to turn around the direction her son Walker was heading, giving hope to those facing autism. I'll share a couple quotes.

Pg 35: "Imagine your sensory world scrambled and unregulated, your auditory intake an incessant rock station--- or worse, mere static--- blasting in your ears. Imagine your kitchen light as bright as a searchlight, boring into your corneas every time you turn it on. Imagine yourself in clothes so irritating that they seem lined with metal scraping brushes. Imaging walking past a woman wearing a spritz of Chanel No. 5 that leaves you disoriented and dizzy. This can be the works of sensory integration dysfunction."
Expressed that way makes me feel sorry for our Brad who at 4 would curl up in a ball and cover his ears during gym class, at 8 could be coaxed into wearing soft clothes only, and for years ate so few mostly carbohydrate foods.

Pg 85:
"If we close our eyes, do we know where our hands lie or move? Our toes? Some individuals don't. I have often wondered what a profound proprioceptive deficit feels like -- a kind of swimming, a floating world, where the self evade itself, like water through a sieve."

"Within the proprioceptive sense there exists a sense of one's relationship to moving bodies-- the particular sense of one body's relationship to another body in space. Thus, the proprioceptive sense determines, in some sense, the negotiation of relationships as well. Arlene explained that Walker was spending so much time trying to figure our where he was-- a sense that come to us through the joints and muscles--- that he couldn't quite know where we were."
This could very likely be the explanation for Brad's lack of interest in relating to his peers as a child. His brain was too full simply taking care of his own relationship to the world in time and space, how could he focus on others?! IM helped him define his own body with in time and space. Immediately, he began being able to connect with others! Pre IM he labels his life as social-less. Post IM his social life began.

"Sensory described what came into the organism. Motor described what came out. They were the alpha and omega of the nervous system, and nearly every letter in between.Quite simply, taken together, they represent most of what the brain did." pg 214

We have sensory processing issues at times, too. "When the average person is ill, the brain and sensory system, absorbed with healing itself and managing pain, has difficulty tolerating 'normal' amounts of stimulation. The body and neurological system are already overloaded by the illness and like a computer given too much information to process too quickly, need to shut down some systems. This is why people who are extremely nauseated, for instance, can't stand to be touched. When we're sick, we often experience bright lights as painful. Sensory integration and sensory processing problems distort perceptions." Pg 247 of Patricia Stacey's book, the boy who loved windows.

Page 216 has an amazing description of the body in time and space, too long to post. Our public library has this book and you can order books online with your library card. Check it out.

ADD/ADHD - Autism Connection

For several years now I've been hearing speakers mention that ADD/ADHD is on the Autism spectrum. In the newest book I'm reading, Children with Starving Brains, Dr. Jaquelyn McCandless, states this very clearly. "Autism is a condition often characterized by a failure to bond, lack of social interaction, avoidance of eye-to eye contact, difficulties in language development, and repetitive behaviors. There are associated milder forms of this condition such as Asperger's Syndrome, PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) and ADD/ADHD, or Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. These are all known collectively as Autism Spectrum Disorders, or ASDs."

Our son, Brad, was diagnosed with ADD in 5th grade, but I never felt like that 'label' quite fit him. Attention was an issue, yes. But I also saw language delays, sensory integration issues, and the lack of social connectedness. I remember working hard trying to get him to look at me to smile at about 6 months old.

Physically, Brad had a huge head as a toddler. The literature suggests that the only physical marker for autism can be a larger than average head circumference as a toddler. He displayed specialty interests as well, legos and computer were his favorite past times as a youngster. At about 11 years old, he spent an entire summer 'reading' a calculus book. He did score a perfect 36 on the science portion of his ACT a few years later, so maybe some of it sunk in! :)

IM was helpful in almost every one of his deficit areas. Language processing: About half of the way through his IM training, Brad came home and said he felt he could 'throw in an idea' during the lunch time conversation. Before it was as if the other students would have moved on to another topic before he had processed the information enough to enter the conversation. By the end of IM, Brad and I were having real dialogues, not just monologues or question and short answer sessions. His language processing gained phenomenally.

Social skills - Brad calls IM the beginning of his social life. He calls pre IM his social-less time of his life. When asked he will say the social gains of IM were his largest area of gain.

Fine motor - though I hear many times from teachers that handwriting improved with IM, that did not happen for Brad. Actually, the spatial awareness improved - he began writing on the line rather than slightly above it, but his handwriting could still use A LOT of tweaking. Today's world offers computers!

Sensory integration issues - Brad still does not enjoy loud places, but he can put up with them now without needing to escape or possibly melting down. As a child he would curl on in a ball on the gym floor occasionally with his hands over his ears. Now I know that behavior was actually a red flag. His diet has GREATLY improved post IM as he is more willing to try new foods. Some of that is age, but at 17, he had an extremely limited diet. Brad did IM at 17 and 1/2. By age 18, I was turning my head at all the foods he began eating that he wouldn't have ever tried pre IM. Tight clothes bothered him A LOT as a younger child. He wouldn't even wear a pair of jeans until 5th grade. Sweat pants were the only option. By 17, clothes were no longer an issue so it's hard to say if there was improvement there - though there probably was. His tolerance level for everything was extremely low pre IM with several overloads/meltdowns a day, coming out as frustration or tears often. Post IM Brad could handle a typical day with typical sensory information very typically - pretty nice huh!

Attention and focus - Brad stopped taking his ADD meds post IM and did well getting all his homework assignments not only done but turned in post IM. Not everyone gets off meds, but some do, our Brad was one of them.

Our Son, Brad

Our son, Brad. Awesome personality, significant, valuable, an important member of society, smart, creative. Loves to sing and take things apart, studied a trig book for hours in the 5th grade...

But pre-IM he couldn't turn in a homework assignment if it bit him on the nose! And it looked like a bomb exploded in his desk. Daily. We had years of testing, but the most therapy he ever qualified for was 6 months of speech. He was a child falling through the cracks. We often noted that he marched to the beat of his own drum.

After thousands of dollars spent on counseling, medications and tutoring, IM was the key that changed his life. All other interventions fell by the wayside. He is our miracle child, though hardly a child anymore. He went through IM at age 17! The sooner the better, but it's never too late!

I wish Brad could have had IM at age 8. The hardships ahead were evident by that time. But I hadn't heard of it then, nor was it available. With Brad, I discovered that children do not outgrow true learning difficulties. Instead, the gap was increasing. Changing his life course meant finding the right tool. For Brad, that tool was IM.

Brad is now a 23 year old grad school student studying Occupational Therapy in Kansas City. He knows I talk about him all the time. He's cool with that. I talk about him because other parents--who are where I was 10 years ago--frequently tell me Brad's story gives them hope. Besides. I just like talking about him! I'm his mom.