When asked about his childhood, Brad again disconnected himself from his childhood saying something like, "I don't think of my childhood as me." Plain and simple. That wasn't me. This is about the fourth time I've heard him say with very honest and true feelings that he does not feel connected with his past. Of course we went on to talk about how your past absolutely is a part of you but doesn't have to define who you are now. Given that, he sincerely does feel like he started a new life, a new beginning - 7 years ago now, with his first IM training!
The first time he mentioned this concept of disconnect from his childhood was about 8 months after IM when he said, "You know mom, I have to grieve the loss of my childhood." He was 18 yrs. old then and heading off to college. Next, about 2 years later, when asked how old he was, he said, "I would like to tell people '2 years' because that's how long ago I did IM. It was like a rebirth of the mind." Some time in those early post IM years he had described IM like a time line of his life, "Pre IM I like to call my social-less life. Post IM, my social life began." So, he's frequently mentioned how much IM didn't just give him a new lease on his life, but made him feel like he actually started a new life.
What is my perspective on this as his mom? Yes, it does sadden me a bit. Though I know Brad struggled to be organized, express himself, connect and focus his entire childhood, he also was very bright and fun to be around. I tried as all mom's do to provide a 'happy' childhood for him, but I also understand where he was coming from. I, as a mom, felt like I didn't get to 'enjoy' him as much as I could have because I had to continually play the role of his frontal lobe - organizing him, scheduling him, helping him attend and complete tasks, and--to be honest--worrying!). Much of my energy with him went in to 'helping' him, rather than enjoying him. He did have to grieve the loss of a 'typical' childhood. He spent hours at the table doing the homework that he didn't complete in school. He missed a lot of his recesses, a huge mistake! Often our conversations were about 'initiation', or 'independence' or 'responsibility' rather than what his favorite game was, or what happened at school. I also grieve that I didn't find an intervention for him sooner, that my son was lost in sensory issues and overload too many years, that he feels he missed out on his entire childhood - you can't ever make that up.
So, why do I tell this story. Because there's always hope. Brad and I thoroughly enjoy each other now. Share memories and make new ones. We all have our own story to tell. Though my father loved me, he struggled with alcoholism, a defining piece of my childhood. Though Brad was very bright, he had sensory processing issues, a defining piece for him - whether he is ready to accept it or not. You had yours too - were you bullied? Peer pressured? Labeled? We survived and we now each bring to this world gifts resultant from those experiences.
But Brad's new hope for the future is still not the main reason why I tell this story. I tell you Brad's story of finding his fullness of life at 17 yrs old because I don't know how many families IM has helped find what 'typical ' is alot sooner. (And that thought gives me immense fulfillment, and keeps me going when the occasional child looks up at me and either weeps or snarls, "I don't want to do that task!") How many families never will have to endure 17 years, or worse - a lifetime of trying to find answers, of unnecessarily difficult struggle. How many children will not say at 18 years old that they have to grieve the loss of their childhood? Every child needs to be given the fullest opportunity to live a 'typical' life. Many times I'm in a store and meet an IM family from two or three years ago. I'll ask, "So how's so and so doing, really, the good and the bad" and they'll ponder just a bit and say, "You know ... he's doing alright." That's music to my ears. A couple of years back if asked that same question, their answer more likely would have sounded like "I'm just concerned." or "I try so hard, or she just struggles, doesn't get it......"" But now, it's "You know,... she's doing alright." (Not perfect, alright -that's typical.:)"
Did IM change a life course? I don't know, but for some I am pretty confident it did! And when the child was so young!!!! They have a chance at a 'typical' childhood - they are doing "alright." Music to my ears.
Did IM change a life course? I don't know, but for some I am pretty confident it did! And when the child was so young!!!! They have a chance at a 'typical' childhood - they are doing "alright." Music to my ears.
"Alright" is awesome!"
"Brad .... He's doing alright!"
