Automatic Negative Thoughts - These nasty guys can rise up just about any time during IM. Most people, children and adults alike, will experience either a short day of ANTs, or up to a week or two, but they are transient in nature. In time, you can learn to control them. I believe there is GREAT power in IM in this ANT realm.
There are two times that ANTs pop up most frequently in IM, right around the time students hit 18 ms for the first time, and also right after the child is moving into independence from sync training - hand over hand with an adult. I'm going to post about the moving towards independence ANTs today.
Seven year old student today - has been doing IM independently for 2 and 1/2 days now, not needing any help. He came into IM this morning wound up. Shortly there after it became obvious that he was firing negative chemicals putting him in the flight response. How did I see this, he became very silly, like the class clown, acting out to cover up feelings of inadequacies. ANTs - automatic negative thoughts - feeling inadequate - IM is hard. He had thoughts like, "I'm not sure I can do this" even though he's done it for over 2 entire days now... over 5000 reps of independence. But he's doubting himself now.
You see ANTs in several ways: Students can be very off the wall silly (flight), or weepy/leaning on the adult (flight) or very oppositional (fight). Freeze is another form seen when the child can't seem to move. Here the child may stare into space, not answer questions, or he wants to lay down and do nothing. Fight/Flight chemicals make it nearly impossible to hit yellows and greens in IM. Your brain shuts down with these chemicals. You can't focus!
There are two techniques that get rid of ANTs at this stage, before the frontal lobe is accessible to help deal with them. IM helps build the white matter in the brain to connect the control center of the brain to the emotional center of the brain. After that happens, you will have access to that control center to help deal with ANTs, but before it's wired, you can't control your emotions well - they just happen. Before those wires are in place, there are two ways to help a child deal with ANTs: exercise and giving space/time. I usually try to get the child to move/exercise - we did that some today. But obviously not enough exercise, as he continued firing ANTs - after the exercise break the ANTs became the oppositional ones. These oppositional ANTs looks like, purposefully flicking your hands on the trigger, missing your leg on purpose, trying to get reds, resisting as the adult tries to help the child get greens. At that point, I just take away all expectations that the child can be independent and just revert back to total hand over hand for a while, until the child's confidence builds enough that they can fight the ANTs. They aren't ready for independence at this time.
Usually I don't talk much when reverting back to hand over hand after a child has been independent - as talking just keeps firing the negative chemical. I usually simply give it time and space.... just do hand over hand calmly, passively allowing the child to just be (yet I'm moving their body to the beat).
But before I'm totally quiet, I like to label some aspects of the situation for the child. The goal of my talking is:
1. To identify the ANT, the negative thought, to expose it to the child. Most likely the child doesn't actually see his own thoughts yet. (Today's ANT was "Mess up... be silly', and 'do just the opposite" Why does a child have this thought when cooperation earns you very nice prizes, and opposition doesn't pay any money? I think it has to do with fear - the child is afraid to succeed. Both times for frequent ANTS, as they are moving to independence, and as they approach 18 ms, you have to trust yourself - you have to trust that you can do it. For my IM kiddo's - trust is hard since in the past it was hard to predict whether an action would result in success or not. )
2. To let the child know I was not mad at him for having ANTs. I usually say something like, "You did not ask for the ANTS, they just came - that's what automatic means. You don't want to feel bad, the ANT just came and told you to 'mess up;" It's a thought, and the thought is not you. You are different than your thoughts. (I think explaining this to the students is why, when these students do finally find the ability to control the ANTs - they are the ones that come up to me with great big hugs, like I've been their long lost friend for life. I believed in them. I didn't say they were just not listening, being 'bad', or mean, or disrespectful. But that the ANT in their brain was telling them to be those things... and that ANT is not them. I understand that THEY don't want to be 'bad', but it's a hard fight.. I truly am quite proud of them when they can muster up the strength to talk back to the ANTs and gain control of their own brain - and part of that has to do with the rewiring that IM does! It is hard work! In the same breath, these kids, when they are fighting ANTs the hardest, often blame me for their pain and discomfort. They don't identify the source of the pain to be from with in their own brains.)
3. To describe that ANTs rob you of your joy (you can’t smile) and make you feel mad, sad, bad….. sometimes students can describe how their bodies feel – ie, my stomach hurts, etc. (I can then use that physical symptom to help them identify when they have an ANT and to look for it. If you can label it, that's your first step of having frontal lobe control of the ANTs.)
4. To tell the child that sometimes ANTs don’t tell you the truth - they can lie (i.e. today's ANT probably was saying something like,'This is too hard', or 'I can't do this' before it started saying 'Mess up" but this boy can do IM independently, he's done 5000 reps independently over the last 3 sessions. The ANT is telling a lie. You can't control ANTs coming, but you can choose to believe it or not. You have control over how you deal with that ANT.)
5. Finally, to give ownership to the child – you didn’t invite the ANTS, but you are the only one that can decide what to do with them. They are in your head, not mine. I am hopeful that you can be brave enough to try to fight them...I know it's a tough fight. I'm here for you, but I can't do it for you. The ANT is in your head. ( I tell moms it's an internal battle for the child - if you pay attention closely, you can almost visibly see different characters beating up on one another. The child will suddenly take a big hit and bow lower, fatigued, worn out. Then they'll muster the strength to just look up. It is NOT easy. If I say, 'you can do it, just do it!'... that is just way too absolute and too unattainable of a goal. Such comments will often increase the ANT's strength. Instead, I just encourage effort - trying - which can look like not trying, but if the child is doing ANYTHING active that is not hurtful... he's trying, often trying hard. ANTS are hard to fight. Put yourself in the 'just let me wallow in my own self pity' state, and have me tell you - "you can do it, just get up and do it". Right - you want to slap me. It takes a lot of internal strength to push through ANTs - my IM children are brave, strong children. Sometimes this takes time, tears, anger, and experiences that the ANTs make life no fun. ANTs rob you of joy.)
I know that seeing and labeling the ANT is the first stage to dealing with them. If you can’t see them, you can’t control them. IM helps wire the brain so you can SEE the ANTs - now the child has to learn the skill in dealing with how to handle the ANTs. I do believe that dealing with ANTS is an important part of IM, you learn so much about yourself through this process. I don’t wish ANTs on my IM kiddos, because obviously it makes them feel so badly. But... it is their reality and it’s a powerful battle worth winning. You can’t fake it in IM – you can get away with ANTs in every other program I know, but in IM, ANTs yell into the computer – I’m here! I’m in control. What are you going to do about it? IM and ANTs - Life. Hear my son Brad discuss how building this connection in his brain totally changed his life.
